Author: Rebecca Benson
When I was working towards my hours to get fully licensed as a marriage and family therapist, I was dating a man. We eventually got engaged. I had my own therapist at the time and would tell her how I was disappointed in my relationship. She said that if things are already so disappointing in the relationship, they’re not going to get better if we got married. That was my wake-up call. I called off our engagement and the wedding we were planning. People said I was so brave to do that. Unfortunately, most people go through with the wedding & get divorced later. That was one of the best things I’ve ever done because now I’m happily married to a man who is a great fit for me! Fit is one of the keys; you’ve got to be with someone who is a good fit for you. I was believing some lies while I was dating my ex. I believed the lie, “I’m just not comfortable around men”. I now know I just had to find the right man for me, who I feel comfortable around and I have. I also wanted to get married so badly, that I was about to settle for a relationship that was not the best fit for me. It’s important not to settle, especially when it comes to the person you’re going to spend the rest of your life with. Dating is a process where you get to figure out whether the person is the right fit for you. I enjoy working with clients to help them figure this out.
It’s also important to trust your gut and not be in a hurry to get married. If you rush getting married, you might have a harder marriage because you didn’t take the time figuring out whether you’re the best fit. Trusting your gut can be a tricky process, but it’s helpful to learn how to do. People usually realize after the fact that they should have trusted their gut. When I was dating my ex, I thought God was on board with us getting married, even though my family and friends weren’t very excited about our relationship. I learned how important it is to listen to feedback from your family & friends, especially if they love you and want the best for you. God has put people in our lives so they can share His wisdom through them and He gives us discernment within ourselves — we just need to learn how to “hear” it.